Hi Ian, today in 6th I had some food, which cost me about $5. My mom had originally give me $10 to buy a pack of burnable cd’s. So after I get home and I lay on my bed, she asks me what I want for lunch, and I said that nothing because I had already eaten something. She asks me what, I tell her..and she gets so shocked and surprised that I spent the money. Now if I tell that to my sister to tell her how wrong of her that was. My sister’s response will be that she was joking. “joking”..really? This isnt the first time this has happened. I feel terrible, that I spend their money. To buy MYSELF food. I gave Jason’s mum a card saying that I was thankful for her being there. She calls me and says welcome. I felt so happy, that someone took their time to tell me that they were welcome. I was noticed by SOMEONE. Mom, I am 100 lbs, when will you notice that that isn’t normal? I don’t know anymore mom, sometimes you are so close to me, but sometimes you are so far away. It hurts the way you choose your words. Even my so called dad got annoyed from what you said..and it’s his money. I thought mom and son are suppose to have that special bond? I really wish you understood what’s wrong with me, then I would actually have someone to talk to and not just be lonely with my thoughts.
Hi Ian, today in 6th I had some food, which cost me about $5. My mom had originally give me $10 to buy a pack of burnable cd’s. So after I get home and I lay on my bed, she asks me what I want for lunch, and I said that nothing because I had already eaten something. She asks me what, I tell her..and she gets so shocked and surprised that I spent the money. Now if I tell that to my sister to tell her how wrong of her that was. My sister’s response will be that she was joking. “joking”..really? This isnt the first time this has happened. I feel terrible, that I spend their money. To buy MYSELF food. I gave Jason’s mum a card saying that I was thankful for her being there. She calls me and says welcome. I felt so happy, that someone took their time to tell me that they were welcome. I was noticed by SOMEONE. Mom, I am 100 lbs, when will you notice that that isn’t normal? I don’t know anymore mom, sometimes you are so close to me, but sometimes you are so far away. It hurts the way you choose your words. Even my so called dad got annoyed from what you said..and it’s his money. I thought mom and son are suppose to have that special bond? I really wish you understood what’s wrong with me, then I would actually have someone to talk to and not just be lonely with my thoughts.
I remember those smiling days Finding new ways. To cause a mess, So put on your pretty little dress. We will turn up rocks. Walk through the summer docks. Sneak in the house with dirty shoes Spend the night drinking cheap booze. But now I’m a wreck Life is going to heck. I’m broken to the bone. Wishing I had known. I’ll be all alone; No ones hear to hear my screams and moan. A better day is all I can hope for. Because I can’t take this anymore.
I feel great right now..I listen to very loud music.*used to* but this morning in mrs taylors class this concerned teacher came up to me, and said when she was my age. She would listen to very loud music. And she described how her friends would ask her not to. That she might lose her hearing. And then she said that I should do it for myself and my grand kids. Because she can’t. I feel wonderful..because someone actually cared =]..take care Ian. I’ll speak to you later ~ ghost out till next time.
I have been really depressed lately. One of the things that it is that I feel really lonely. And i feel like I am going to be lonely forever. One of the other thing was the west conn thing. Am I really so incapable of doing ANYTHING? Am i really this stupid? please i really need an answer. i used to love god…but what happened? I feel like he/she is barely there for me when i need them. I ALWAYS used to keep them in my heart. But I really don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I am worthless. So I am watching American Dad. and Stan’s father makes Steve feel like a worthless piece of shit, by calling him a ”loser”. That is what I feel like I am. I feel like I am going to achieve nothing in life, and die alone. Please I beg of you..don’t let that happen. If its fate that I am talking to..please don’t let my life go to hell. I will try my best from next time.
I am sorry that I have’t been really much on Tumblr. I think its because its that I am with M4 more often. I am sorry. I haven’t forgotten you Ian. Sorry that I haven;t been able to post the songs either..I am thinking of posting any sad pictures that I take, and upload them onto here. I am scared about college, and the EAP thing..I am going to call her today. Hopefully I am happy or a bit not stressed, after hearing what Mrs. Franchesca has to say. Once again I am sorry that I haven’t kept you updated. ~Ghost out till next time.
You were right Jjay, I am not a photographer…Just because I can point and shoot doesn’t make me a photographer. I actually looked forward everyday, to take pictures of. It made me happy, I can for once hold on to things and they won’t be able to leave from my life. I bit it off of tumblr. It hurt a lot Jjay. I never called the picture as that IT WAS MY IDEA FOR THE PICTURE….i never said that. Not once in my life, have I talked to you like you did to me. It hurt a lot. I have never hurt like you did to me. I texted you…and no answer…great. You know later on…I might be the one saying sorry to you. Because I care for you…but I don’t think we are on the same track here…I have a feeling that someday I am going to leave everything and just leave. people are selfish. They worry for themselves…for once stop and think that what it might make the person think. It was a dream for me to own a camera like this…and now I fear to even look at my camera, for what you just said to me.
